Nosidam Elegies: The First Elegy

1 

Let us talk, you and I.

Commuting is the most intimate loneliness
and every step invites you to step down.
I enter, he enters, another enters
Where are we going?
The landscape I am chasing
pans beside my window
and the cars chase their headlights
as if lights know the way
like shooting stars know desire.

I read the signposts that thought
they knew me, and said
I am heading anywhere now
to which they replied,
anywhere is nowhere, and you could do better.
I checked my ticket and
surprise, surprise
I did not know the rules anymore.

I looked inside
and saw passengers, like me
some were new, some were old
and the ghosts of those who had rode
and failed
sat at the back, laughing merrily
as their lives drove past us in their Ferraris.
Maybe I will become a ghost too
and sit there with them
No. I grip the seat in front
and grasped empty air.

When I look out
the pedestrians
are few and far between
Few and far,
between
the stops are
few, far,
between
the steps I take
are few and far between
just like that I am walking.
Did I give up?

We are all going nowhere
and you will say nowhere is somewhere
and I agreed.
Why am I still moving then?
I should have died.
Death is the grandest existence.
Would you let me die then? Or
will I
keep
riding,