Nosidam Elegies: The Third Elegy

3 

It is night
and I look up at the night sky.
I was not supposed to be here
just like we were not supposed
to be
not to be. And we are not
the clouds shifting
and the moon is watching from above
as below the world sleeps.
Except for me
or you, slumped in the swing
now up now down
the sinusoidal wave of hearts beating
I will push you in the swing.
Momentum, momentous
The force of the moment weighs heavily on
me
like gravity pulls us down
to reality.

Clouds overcast, and the stars do not twinkle
The sky is too gray for hopes
or desire too ambiguous to grasp.
Maybe the venue was right
a playground in the city
not the Arcadian countryside
the rustic meadow, or a peaceful valley
but only of children struggling
for grounded happiness against the high rise.
Our rationality defines us,
and we know definitions are walls
if only words were drills
maybe I can reach you.

The wind moves. The cloud canopy
shifts and I feel cold.
The stars are dull but gleam slyly
as if to dare me to cope.
If, by Pascal's estimate
that men are farther from
themselves
than distant planets
I must be Mercury and you must be Pluto
I am spinning fast across the hot splendid sun
and you are not even sure
if you are a planet anymore.

The time between midnight and dawn.
Conversations get nowhere
the babbling distractions
the bubbling emotions.
If clouds were covers and the night was naked
What is never said is what always matters
words create and make concrete
just like the way you close your eyes
to make the kiss less real.

The dawn is breaking
The sky turns from black and blue to blue and white
And sunlight bleeds into the backdrop
Nothing and everything has been said
Can't I just enjoy the view?
Why must I force it out of you?
If I sleep, I die. If I wake, I lie.
If it is the truth
we are both dead.